If you want it done right
by Zerixa
Summary: YES! This is indeed another girl that falls, or rather freezes into ME. There is a plot, no there will be no 10th walker, though there will be some walking, and yes it is a self-insert, but despite all this it's not half bad, so read and review :D (And M because I don't know how much swearing there will be, so just covering my arse here)
1. Chapter 1: Crossing over

**Disclaimer:** I'm only going to say this once:I do not own anything related to Lord of the Rings or any other refrences from anything else made in this story.

**Chapter 1: Crossing over**

It was a chilly morning in early October; the roads where covered with a thin layer of ice, and the pupils were most defiantly not enjoying themselves as they tripped and slip their way to school. No birds were singing, and the sky was gray with clouds ready to douse the unsuspecting pedestrians as soon as they left the relative safety of their homes. And woe to those who dared brave the roads on a bicycle, they lived long and battered enough to rue the day, and then curse at the sky a little. All in all it was looking to be another normal day for most people. Unfortunately for Ingeborg, she was not part of this group called "most people", because if she were, well then this wouldn't be a very good story, now would it?

Everything happened very slowly, as thing tend to do when they really aren't any fun. Her day started like any other, giving her the impression that it had no intention of ending in an abnormal fashion. So she got up in the morning, went to the bathroom, went to the kitchen, made breakfast, ate breakfast, looked at the dishes, sighed, ignored the dishes, took another trip to the bathroom, brushed her teeth and left for school. Unlike many others this cold morning, she was actually surprised to find the roads slick with ice, but thought to herself, _pffh, I can do this, riding a bike on ice is probably easy, as long as I'm careful, and don't use the breaks._ Sufficed to say; she used the breaks almost immediately, and fell on her arse, cursed at the sky a little, put her bike in under the porch and walked very carefully to school.

At school the day continued to pretend like it didn't have something up its sleeve, and Ingeborg continued to be... Well, definitely not blissfully ignorant of the day's deceit, because if she had known, she would have been able to prepare and thing might have happened slightly differently, but she was ignorant none the less. Therefore she went to class, made bad jokes about physics and the teacher's obsession with whiteboard markers that her physics partner could snort at her for making, and did all the other things she would normally do. The day went by in a snail's pace, and by the end of it she was so thoroughly sick of centripetal acceleration and ions, that if it hadn't been for the fact that she would have had to pay for new books, she would have thrown them out the window.

When the school day finally ended and Ingeborg could start on the short way home, it had started raining, not snowing like it would be expected of the weather, but cold, wet, annoying rain. She was soaked to the bone when she finally managed to stagger to the front door, surprisingly without having fallen once, a miracle really, considering she was wearing sneakers and not winter shoes.

The rest of the afternoon went as normal too. She made dinner, and ate it, anything else would be stupid. She did some homework, looked at the dishes again, sighed yet again, and ignored them, again, thinking _I'll do it later, tonight defiantly, maybe. I should probably do it now, but... I don't wanna..._ This debate in her head went on for some time.

During her very normal afternoon inside in her basement apartment, she had not noticed the temperature dropping outside, not that she really cared, but it is significant to the story. The rain gave way for the snow, and in a very short amount of time the ground was covered in energy depraved water, and the world had turned into a dark winter wonderland.

Dozing on the couch, she barely heard the knocking on the door, but just barely. Standing up and cursing whoever was at the door for disturbing her lazy time, she shambled in her half waking state to the hallway, only to discover there was nobody on the other side of the door. _The little buggers are fast, probably practising for Halloween. _She turned to go back to the couch, but just as she closed the door to the hall, there was more knocking.

Starting to get a wee bit annoyed, she went back and peered out through the glass once more. Nothing, there was nothing but darkness and falling snowflakes. She opened the door, and looked around the corner, waiting to see a little brat aiming a snowball at her, but there was no one there, and it was cold out, so she retracted back inside where it was warm.

Again she had almost closed the door to the hallway, when there was another knock, just one this time. Narrowing her eyes before she slowly closed the door again, she thought she saw a shadow through the window in the door. She ignored it and managed to get as far as the living room before the incessant knocking started again. Sighing and closing her eyes in defeat, she laid down on the couch in the hopes that whoever it was would eventually tire and go away. Sadly she had overestimated her own patience, and underestimated that of the _annoying orange_ at her door. It just continued on and on and on, and you get the point.

With a sound half between an exasperated sigh and a growl, she once again rose from the couch, this time determined to wring the neck on the little bastard that dared poke the bear so brazenly. She stormed to the hallway, threw open the door, and had a thought. _The little shit is fast, how am I supposed to get a hold on him?_ She pondered this as her resolve deflated a bit, and she sat down to pull her shoes on. _I should just call the cops, that would scare him straight. **What, now you can't even deal with a snot nosed little punk on your own either? **Or I could take that mop and whack him on the head, that'll teach him. _**Now, now, I'm sure if you try to reason with him he will understand and leave you alone, surely... **_Damn, I must be losing it, I'm arguing with myself, and it's actually making sense... _at that thought she stopped in the middle of putting on her jacket, and just for a second she considered that maybe, just maybe she was imagining the knocking, that she had finally snapped, that Sheogorath had waved his Wabbajack at her, and she had gone mad. But then she realised that a mad person would never realise that they were mad, and put that idea out of her head.

Firmly pulling on her beanie, she marched outside to put an end to the little weasel. Standing on the porch she surveyed the new landscape that had come down in the last hour. She couldn't see anyone anywhere, and when she looked down, there were no other tracks in the snow then the ones she had just made. Starting to question her sanity again, she turned to go back in and phone her mom to come and get her, but then she saw something in the periphery of her vision. She whipped around as fast as she could, but considering she wasn't a _very_ fast person, she wasn't nearly fast enough to see anything. The fact that she was standing on snow-covered ice didn't help matters much either, as she had to use most of her concentration on trying not to fall.

Again she peered into the darkness surrounding the house. Not a sound was heard, and there was no movement that she could see. She heaved a tired sigh, deciding that she was too old for this shit, even though that was untrue, if anything she was too young, and, thinking it was for the last time, she turned around to go inside again.

That was when she heard it; the low, quiet chuckling of someone pulling her leg. In anger she started to bellow into the silent night. "Alright you little!..." then she realised that the chuckling was to dark to belong to any child, and a chill, not caused by the cold, went down her back. Either it was some psycho killer out to do her in, not very likely though, or it was some old demented guy who had escaped from the nursing home, which was nearly as bad.

Out of nowhere that snowball that she had expected earlier, came flying at her and hit her in the face. It was cold, hard and very unpleasant, much like how you would expect really, and for the second time that day she fell on her arse. It too was a cold, hard and unpleasant experience, and the low chuckling erupted into a dark, hysterical laughter.

Staggering to her feet again, being very much aware of her aching backside, she felt absolutely terrified and humiliated. Whoever, or whatever, was out there held no good will towards her, and she'd be damned if she was going to end up as some crazy person's victim. She went inside again, closed the front door, and the door to the hallway, and fished up her cell phone. There was no coverage, _of course there isn't. Why would there be, I just really need it right now, so it is obvious that this one time there would be no signal. Bloody wonderful. B-e-a-utiful._

The knocking started again, and she felt the fear starting to make itself known properly now. Fumbling to get her cell down into its designated pocket again, she tried to push down the fear so she could think rationally. _Okay...okay...okay, this is just ridiculous. Remember, you are always letting your imagination run away with you. The most likely scenario here is that it is some kind of practical joke. Yeah, someone is just practising for Halloween. **Yeah and pigs can fly. This is serious shit, improbable and unprovoked, but it's still serious... and shit.** _

Deciding to believe herself over herself, she was convinced that it was in fact someone pulling a practical joke, and acted, rather foolishly, on that notion. The anger and indignation over being taken for an idiot that would fall for this lame joke, made her pick up the mop and march out into the night again.

The wind had started to whip up now, and she became acutely aware how cold it really was. For now she ignored it, thinking that the exercise she was about to get would keep her plenty warm. She waded through the snow over to where the road should have been. The streetlight gave her some help in the 'peering into the darkness'-department, but was apparently not enough to see whoever was hiding out there. She listened into the night. Beside the wind rustling up the dry leaves in the trees, there was no sound. She couldn't even hear any cars out and about, which she thought very strange seeing as this was commonplace into the wee hours of the night, normally.

After standing out there in the snow for what felt like a small eternity, Ingeborg suspected that whatever this was about, the person, or possibly the thing, bothering her, had lost their interest in it, and had gone home. She decided that enough was enough, and it was starting to get extremely cold, in fact when she tried to leave her feet felt like they had anvils tied to them.

While she had stood there the snow had melted and made her pants wet and then frozen again. Her muscles were stiff as boards, and her breath came out in puffs. The temperature dropped fast. Her teeth started to chatter, and the cold was creeping into her bones. She couldn't let go of the mop, it was painfully frozen to her hands. It was so cold by now that for a second she imagined she would stand out there, freeze solid and then shatter to bloody pieces of ice.

After a while she stopped feeling anything, the pain was gone, she was completely numb, her senses were dimming, her breathing became more shallow, but still she stood upright, her entire body frozen in that position. If she had to guess, she would have said the temperature was well below minus 40 degrees, and growing colder.

As the world grew darker around her, she could hear nothing, smell nothing, feel nothing, her mind was completely silent, for the first time in her entire life she actually felt like everything was alright, and her last thought before everything disappeared was: _I could get used to this..._


	2. Chapter 2: The old crone

Edit: Slight tweaking of the dialog at the end there

* * *

**Chapter 2: The Old Crone**

_30 years ago..._

As she stood there by the cave's mouth, staring down at the white powder surrounding the entrance, she started feeling a little uncertain about her decision to come here. That feeling however was crushed under her resolve, and she hoisted her backpack and started into the belly of the beast.

The cave was dark, damp and very creepy. Idalin had to hold her nose because it was also rather smelly, as if the belly of the beast was in fact lying around somewhere in the darkness. Despite this, or perhaps because of it, she continued deeper under the mountain, her belief that the answer lay somewhere down there, spurring her on.

After hours of spelunking, and many close calls in unsafe passages, she encountered the first two torches. Originally she had thought it was the eyes of an enormous cave troll, since the lights were green. But as she had carefully crept closer, she had discovered the uneventful truth, and felt absolutely foolish for getting exited. After a couple of minutes of stewing over her own ineptitude, she realised the torches had to have been made and put there by someone, someone with a good grasp of magic.

Now completely convinced she had made a smart move coming there, she continued with renewed vigour. The further down she came, the more torches she saw, and the faster she walked. At the end she was running down the _corridors? _She hadn't noticed before, but the rough walls of the cave had turned to an ornately decorated corridor. She slowed down again. Scenes of battles long forgotten were carved into the limestone and the unearthly green sheen from the torches made shadows dance over the wall, making the figures come alive.

"Who dares enter my realm?!" The dark and menacing voice, of a presumably very big man, boomed in the silent cave, the narrow passage making it sound even louder. Idalin fell to her knees, covering her ears, but it was to no avail. The voice was so loud and booming, and her ears were so sensitive.

"Well? Aren't yeh going to answer?" the voice said irritably, "I swear, young people today, they ave no manners!" The volume was not as loud this time, and it did not sound quite as menacing either, just annoyed.

Idalin had a sneaking suspicion she had just been insulted, and with a timid voice she called back. "I have manners... If anybody here is rude it is you. Are you trying to make me deaf with your shouting?"

The voice gave no answer to this, and she got up from the floor and dusted herself off, even though there was nothing to dust off, the floor was strangely dust-free. She started down the hall, only to be stopped again when a different voice reached her ears.

"You just don't give up, do you?" it said, in a very womanly sort of way. The only problem was that it didn't belong to any woman. It sounded like it did, but the owner was in fact a stocky, and quite ugly, little child standing on a platform above her. She was wearing a baggy, worn dress, or possibly a robe, and carrying a dagger in her belt, and a staff that was far too big for her, in her hand. The child looked at her with an expression that said: "you are very unwelcome here, and I am going to stare at you until you leave, or otherwise do something to make you disappear."

It was unfortunate then that Idalin was not very good at reading facial expressions, and the dim light didn't exactly help. She thought that the child might be constipated the way it scrunched its face, and so she was oblivious to the hidden threat. Feeling rather courageous, she had come this far through human lands and wilderness on her own after all, she said to the child in a very condescending way: "No, I do not give up, and I never will. Now, be a good little girl and tell me where the Sorceress under the Mountain is. It is of the utmost importance that I speak with her."

The child, who wasn't really a child at all, but a grown dwarf woman, was baffled by the intruder's arrogance and insult. _Must be an elf then, but how in the blazes did she get this far?_

"First of all, I am not a little girl, I am a dwarf woman, learn the difference. Second of all, she does not wish to speak with you, and you are trespassing on dwarven lands. Leave now and your life may be spared."

Now it was Idalin's turn to be baffled, _how could I have been so wrong? Of course she isn't a child, no child is that ugly. But can she really be a dwarf, are they not extinct?_ _Wait... did she just threaten me?_

"You call these lands?" she said looking around herself in mock disbelief. "This is a corridor, perhaps _you_ should learn _that_ difference, and then take me to the Sorceress."

The dwarf woman contemplated how easy it would be just slitting the elf's throat and being done with it, but then again that would mean she would have to clean up afterwards... She decided against it, and figured the old crone could take care of this pest on her own.

She gave the elf a sardonic smile, "well, if you are so determined to talk to her... I am sure you can find your own way, I promise I will not stop you." With that she disappeared back into the tunnel, which Idalin could not see from where she was standing, and was gone before any protest could be made.

As she was a little confused by this seemingly random and pointless encounter, it took her a while to figure out which direction she had been going in. When she finally did, it was the wrong way. After some hours of going in the wrong direction, she took a break to eat, and still a bit disoriented went back the same way she had come, unwittingly getting her back on the right track.

The dwarf woman kept to the shadows and watched, just in case the elf by some random chance of luck found the tunnel leading to the city. That would be bad news for her. She was on watch duty that day and would be blamed if intruders from the south reached the inner walls. So she watched, and made sure the elf only picked tunnels leading either to the old hag, or to the surface. _I am beginning to regret not killing her now, this is more work then cleaning up, but I gave my word..._

Idalin had this strange sensation she didn't know what was. It felt eerily like that one time back in the temple when she had stolen away in the wine cellar with an initiate, and one of the clerics had discovered her. _That was a good night,_ she mused, and forgot all about the strange feeling most people would have described as "_someone is watching me"._

By now the sun had set on the surface, the moon had entered the stage, and Idalin was starting to get tired when she quite by accident stumbled upon her destination. She did not immediately realise she had reached the dwelling of the Sorceress, only that there was suddenly a very large, very dark wooden door in front of her. It stood out from the walls like a sore thumb with all its blackness, even the metal holding it together was black, and she decided that this Sorceress had very poor taste in decorating. Despite this she knocked on the big door. There was no reaction, so she knocked again. This time she heard motion on the other side, a rumbling, someone shouting something, someone else shouting back; much closer, and then someone said something very quietly right beside her. She was startled, and jumped a little at the sound. It was that dwarf woman again. _Didn't she say she was going to leave me alone? Wait, what did she say just now?_

"Sorry, I did not catch that."

Sighing deeply; this elf was of the most annoying sort she had encountered, the dwarf repeated what she had just said, in a very quiet and controlled voice.

"I said: It will take ages before anyone answers the door, both of them are probably occupied with something they both think is extremely important. So unless you want to stand out here and be eaten by dusters..." _why didn't I just let them have her, damn it! _"I suggest you follow me inside." At that she opened the door and went in.

Idalin wasn't entirely sure why the dwarf that earlier had threatened her was now being so helpful, but decided that as long as it was in her favour, the dwarf could be as barking mad she wished. _Perhaps she is an apprentice of the Sorceress, magic and madness often goes hand in hand._ She followed her inside.

The Sorceress' abode was nothing short of a mess. There did not seem to be any order in really anything, perhaps except for the rows upon rows of jar-filled shelves that lined the walls. There were scrolls and stone tablets everywhere. There were strange metal contraptions, Idalin even thought she saw a telescope, though that seemed a bit odd. There were several low, dwarf sized tables standing willy-nilly, on which the scrolls and tablets lay. In the ceiling she could see what looked to be an enormous buckhorn, if that buck had been the size of a dragon of old, that is. There were plenty of doors leading to other parts of the cave, each with its own sign, unfortunately for Idalin it was all in dwarven writing. In the middle of the big chamber she was currently standing in, two stairwells led up to what looked like a podium where there for some reason was a wardrobe standing in the middle of it, and it sounded like someone was trapped inside.

The dwarf was already on her way up there to help whoever had managed to get themselves locked in the wardrobe, and Idalin took the chance to look more closely at the jars on the shelves, she soon regretted that. The first one was relatively harmless; it was filled with a white powder, though there seemed to be a rhythmical motion there, like a beating heart. But then she looked at one that contained a brain; a gray, squishy, pickled brain. There was some sort of yellow tail flicking lazily around from the inside of it. _How vile! _She looked away just in time to see another dwarf tumbling out of the cupboard on the podium, followed by a string of curses.

This dwarf was burly, even if he was short, and had a big, brown, bushy beard to go with his big, bushy eyebrows and hair. He also wore robes, of the kind you normally would see on wizards or witches; brown, with lots of things dangling from strings and pockets. _Could I have been mistaken, did the villagers say Sorcerer and not Sorceress? _

"Ah, it's about bloody time yeh showed up, I've been trapped in there for hours, my butt fell asleep... Eh, who's the lass?" He said with a thick voice, waving an unsteady hand in Idalin's direction. _Someone's been drinking._

The dwarf woman answered for her, though she didn't really know what she was talking about. "This, you drunken sod, is an elf; she has come all the way from the south just to speak with the old ha... the old woman." She lowered her voice so only the other dwarf could hear her, at least that's what she thought, but elves, as it is commonly known to anyone who has ever tried keeping secrets from one, has exceptionally good hearing, and Idalin heard every word. "And by that I mean, go find her so we can kick this pest out as soon as possible."

Unsurprisingly 'the elf' was rather put out at being called a pest, not that it was the first time ever, but she had never been called such by anyone other than the priests. _They might not be the most respectful of folk I have ever encountered, but at least I wasn't wrong, there is a Sorceress._

The other dwarf was a little put out himself, he knew Tilda didn't think very highly of him, but that she thought him both stupid and blind, not to mention a drunkard, now that really hurt his manly feelings, all one of them. So he went on the offensive.

"I know she's an elf, s'not that hard to tell, what with the pointy ears and all. What I's was askin was who she is, not what. And I'm not drunk, just tired, like I said, I've been in there for a bloody long time."

Tilda straightened at this, she had never actually thought, or cared, to ask the elf her name, simply out of habit. She didn't like to admit it when there was something she didn't know, so she never did. In such situations she would clam up and go find something else to do, as she did now. _You want to play nice with the elf? Fine, then I will go find the hag._

As Tilda left, the burly dwarf stared after her with a sad look on his face, before he turned to Idalin and asked about her name. It was a rather short conversation; she was in no mood for pleasantries in the current situation. She told him her name, and he gave her his, it was Haskin.

Idalin seemed to have turned to a statue, and just glared at the door Tilda had vanished through, as if that would make her come back more quickly. She did not like the dwarf Haskin very much; he was too talkative for her tastes, she only talked when it suited her, not others.

Realising that attempting conversation with the elf was futile, Haskin went back to the wardrobe and continued his experiments. In the corner of his eye he saw her sit down on one of the tables and pick up a scroll. _And I thought elves were supposed to be great conversationalists. _

Eventually she heard the unmistakable stomping of Tilda's stride, and the shuffling of old tired limbs. The door went up with a bang, making the jars clink, and a few of the precariously stacked piles of scrolls topple over.

"I... have arrived. Now what is this I hear about the elfling standing on our doorstep?" An old dwarf woman asked with a powerful and irritated voice. She, much like Haskin and Tilda, wore a robe, except hers was a collection of colours and trinkets that would have put the most colourful jester to shame. She had the same bushy, brown hair as Haskin, with a few white streaks, and a big staff with as many trinkets hanging from it as her robes. If it hadn't been for the fact that she only reached Idalin to the waist, she would have been in awe. Instead she jumped off the table, not in an attempt to get up, simply because she had been caught off guard with the very loud entrance, and presented her case.

"I do not know anything about any elfling, but _I _Idalin, daughter of Lathyrus and Naslia, am here to ask for your help old, wise woman. My fate seems to have eluded me so far, and is just out of my reach. You are a sorceress outside of the University and the laws of elves; have you any magic of the farseeing type?"

"Not for yeh." The words were spoken with such finality that Idalin couldn't quite wrap her mind around it. Before she could think of an answer, the old one continued.

"Did yeh really think yeh could just come ere and demand to know all me secrets, so yeh could go back to yehr pompous, high and mighty, ninnies who only play at magic, school, and become famous? Cause someone already thought of that, years ago." There was a small pause while she caught her breath before she started up again. "Now, unless there was something else yeh wanted, I suggest yeh get on yehr way. Don't let the duster nibble at you feet on the way out." At that she turned around to go back to whatever it was she had been doing before. Idalin finally snapped out of the mental deadlock her head had caught itself in, and spoke up.

"Wait just one bloody moment. I have come many miles, through wilderness, mires, hills, not to mention human settlements, just to seek your help, and now you're turning me away? I will not stand for it, and neither will I stand for the insult on my person. I came here, not to steal your secrets, but to unravel destiny's, more so to the point, my destiny, and I will not leave until you have helped me with that."

Haskin got a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, making demands of his mother had never been the wisest of decisions; a lesson he had learned well over the years. _The elf is gonna get it now... I think I should leave, just to be safe._

Tilda saw Haskin slinking out of the room from the corner of her eye. She knew the old woman had a temper, but wondered if it could really be that bad. She too decided that she did not want to risk it, especially if it meant she would have to clean up afterwards.

Idalin saw both dwarfs leave, but thought nothing of it. She had her arms crossed and her most determined expression fixed on the old crone. She was not going to back down, and as tempting as it was to just leave this crow's nest, she had put too much effort into this to just give up now.

The old dwarf, whose name was actually Saga, but she wasn't about to tell a complete stranger that, wasn't very surprised at the elf's confidence and arrogance. What did throw her off a little was her sheer stupidity. Did she really think she could make her do anything if she just behaved like a petulant little child? Apparently so, and she wasn't completely off either, though she doubted it had anything to do with the elf's knowledge in dwarven magic and hospitality.

She narrowed her eyes and tapped her staff irritably. "Yeh say yeh won't leave, but are yeh willing to risk yehr life fohr this foolish quest of yehr's?" She knew she couldn't kill her outright, not now when the elf was in her home, but threats could get you pretty far, hopefully far enough, she was not in the mood for any fortunetelling that day. Un_fortunately_ for her Idalin was not one to understand poorly hidden threats very often, and in the determined state of mind she was right then, she was even more blind to it, and therefore she just continued to stare at her.

This staring contest went on for some time, but eventually Saga grew tired of standing upright and left to go back to her studies. Idalin however was used to being snubbed off and went after her. The door slammed shut behind her and she heard the sorceress laughing, then coughing, and then speaking.

"At the risk of using an old cliché, I hafta say, yeh'r either very brave, or very stupid. Do yeh really thenk tha if yeh just bother meh enough, I'll give in and help yeh? Because if yeh duh, then maybe yehr not as dumb as I thought."

Idalin wasn't sure how to respond to this, being insulted so many times in one day was really annoying. _Wait just one half darn moment. Did she just agree to help me after all?_

"Did you just agree to help me after all?"

The old witch just chuckled and waved her hand noncommittally. Idalin took it for a 'follow me'-wave, and thus did exactly that, all the way down the low-ceilinged corridor. At the end of it there was a tattered, old bearskin hanging in the entrance to her cave/room/study/home. The room was clean, organized and actually rather cozy, in its own primitive, cavey way. It was a pleasant surprise, but the dwarf wasn't done yet. She started down one of the many tunnels that led from the living room.

_Ay, the elfs not gonna give up, I can't get rid of her while she's still in my home, and the only way to make her leave is by giving her what she wants. I suppose I can kill two birds with one stone then..._

This new room was very rough around the edges, no carvings, no smooth surfaces; just a cave like you would actually expect a magician off the grid to live in. There was no real source of light there, so she could just barely make out the shape of the old woman walking around something, and banging her staff against it. The cursing however was quite clear, seeing as the dark did not affect her hearing.

"Aha!" Saga expelled in triumph as her staff lit up like blue fireworks, revealing the 'thing' to be a pile of rocks with a stone bowl on top. "Now, tell me what it is you want of me exactly."

Idalin stepped closer to the font and took a peak while she spoke. "I want you to tell me my destiny."

Saga made a point of rolling her eyes and sighing heavily. "Ay, I got that part. But as yeh might ave noticed, yehr an elf, and elves live for quite some time, making yehr 'destiny' as yeh say, mighty big. If yeh want me to tell yeh everything that appens, then we're gonna be here for a while. Now tell me, in a bit more detail, what yeh want teh know."

"It is not like I am asking you to tell me what I am going to have for dinner tomorrow. I want to know my destiny, my fate, what big and important things I am going to do in my life. I want to make a difference, I want my name to be on everybody's lips, and I want to be remembered for all conceivable future, but to do that I need to know exactly what it is I am supposed to do, so I can do it."

As she spoke, the old dwarf nodded sagely and opened one of the small vials hanging from her robes and poured some of the contents into the stone bowl. _First we need to deflate her a little. _She tapped on it to get Idalin's attention and indicated that she should take another look. At first there was nothing special about it, perhaps except the colour, a deep royal purple, but then it started to change. Shapes appeared on the surface. She saw the temple, the children playing, the priests preaching, the elderly talking about how things were better in the old days, and an older version of Idalin telling a group of initiates the importance of enjoying the simple things in life...

"How horrid! Is this all that awaits me? A boring life as another cleric of the temple?" She backed away from the font, shaking her head in disbelief and repulsion. "I refuse. I refuse to believe... it cannot be the only possibility... surely..."

Saga looked on with mild amusement, never had she seen anyone react in such a way to the promise of a, if a bit boring, long and stable life. Then again she did not do this fortunetelling business very often; dwarves tended to like not knowing what the future held.

Idalin was distraught; she had thought that... that... she did not really know what she had thought. But whatever it was, it had not been this. A boring, ordinary, run of the mill life, and as a priest none the less! How could she change it, was that even possible, could someone's fate be altered?

"I cannot let that happen, I refuse to believe that I was not meant for something greater. Tell me Sorceress, what can I do to change it?"

_The stupidity of some people; I'm going to milk this for what it's worth._ "Not much I'm afraid. Ones fated path 's not easy to walk away from, not in this world anyway..."

She started walking in a casual pace down the tunnel again, back to the main chamber. Idalin followed, still not quite catching the bait.

"Ay, I once met a man from a different world, taken here by the gods themselves, told me he didn't really ave a promising future back home. The name was **Jacob**, if I remember correctly..."

Idalin's eyes lit up at that. "Are you talking about Jacob, as in the Prophet Jacob?" She had always known there was some big secret the High Priests didn't want others to know about, it would seem she had just figured it out on her own.

"A prophet, is that what they call him now? Well, I suppose that is one way of looking at it."

Finally the elf took the bait and asked. "Do you think that if I could travel to a different world, I too could become a Prophet? That would be the grandest fate of all." She was already starting to dream about all the people who would look at her in awe as she went by, the gifts she would receive just for being her, and all the handsome men lining up to get a glimpse of her renowned beauty. She was off in lala-land before they even reached the living room.

Saga resisted the urge to hit the elf on the head, or the shin, and instead just guided her down another tunnel, this one leading to a storage room of sorts. Pushing past the many strange objects, like broken wardrobes, an assortment of dusty jewellery, a stack of lonely old doors without any walls through which they could grant entry, and other such things. She stopped in front of a piece of furniture covered in a grey sheet and turned to face Idalin. That didn't really get her very far seeing as she just saw straight into her skirts.

"Ah, get down here. Why do yeh hafta be so bloody tall? Ay, that's better. Now, yeh say yeh want to be special, that yeh want to be great and remembered, right? Well, there's only one way to do that. Yeh're gonna hafta do something unexpected, something nobody has done before. Yeh hafta change a whole world, turn it upside down, shake it by its ankles, and really just shock everyone. Now this isn't an easy task, and I can't really tell you outright what _I_ want yeh to do, but I can show yeh something, and maybe yeh can figure it out on yehr own."

"Why?" Idalin's voice betrayed her disbelief.

"Wha do yeh mean 'why?', yeh're the one who came teh me fuhr help! Well, now I'm helpin!"

"No, I mean why can you not tell me exactly what I need to do." She thought it was quite stupid of the old crone that she wouldn't tell her what she actually came there to find out.

"I can't tell yeh, because _someone_ would get wind of it, and then I'll be the one who has teh deal with tha consequences. Now, are yeh done with all yehr stupid questions? Good."

Saga started to rummage through her pockets for something. When she found it she held out what looked like a monocle on a brass chain.

"Here, yeh're gonna need this, elves don't look like yeh where yeh're going. Yeh use it by looking at who or what you want to impersonate, and that's pretty much it. If yeh take it off the illusion vanishes, and if you look at something inanimate, yeh won't be able to move, or talk, so be careful. This is some powerful magic, so don't go loosing it, or yeh'll hafta replace it, and yeh won't be able to, because it's a one of a kind made by the most powerful dwarven sorcerer that ever lived! I'm only giving it to yeh now because I don't really ever use it, and because yeh wouldn't be able to do anything productive if people didn't trust yeh and only wanted to know about yehr weird looks."

Saga turned back to the covered furniture, while Idalin was still wondering about the comment about her 'weird looks', and removed the sheet. The dust stood up in a cloud making both of them cough, revealing a big, oval, silver framed mirror. The only problem was that it wasn't really a mirror in the common sense of the word. It did not show their reflection, but instead a battlefield full of mutilated corpses, destroyed war machines, scavengers and all that follows.

"What is this?" Idalin's voice was full of both wonder and disgust, a verbal feat perfected by the elves as they tended to be both baffled and disgusted by humans quite frequently.

"This, my intrusive guest, 's a defect crystal ball. It came out flat, and it doesn't predict the future of this world. But I suppose yeh should thank yehr lucky star it doesn't, because if this was our world, then yeh'd have way bigger problems than worrying about people forgettin yehr name."

Saga waved her hand in front of it and the image changed. A group of people were being chased by hordes of filthy, bloody creatures in less than satisfactory armour. The horde gave way when a bigger creature made of black flames appeared out of the darkness. The eldest in the group fought the creature, and when it fell into the flaming abyss it dragged him with it.

The image changed again. This time it showed the group by a river, one of the childlike people broke away from the group, and one of the men went after him. _Hmm, a bit unwashed, but not too shabby at all. _They talked in a strange tongue she did not understand, but it was obvious they were arguing over something.

The image changed again before she could see the end of it. Another horde of the ugly creatures attacked, though these looked a bit different, and weren't as numerous, she didn't have time to think on that however as they killed the man, and the child of the other children were taken by the creatures, and she didn't see what happened to the last one.

Saga looked at her face trying to discern what was going through Idalin's mind, if she had been a mind reader, she would have seen that it was not very much. She waved her hand in front of the mirror again, changing it to an absolutely horrific image of a battle. The trees were attacking the creatures, and they in turn set fire to the trees. There was blood and fire, and drowning, screaming nasties everywhere, and an old man in white looked out on the field from a big, black tower. She felt the bile rise, but pushed it down and cleared her throat so the crone would make the image go away.

"So, now that yehv seen tha, yehr about ready to go. It won't happen for a long time yet however, so yeh're have lots of time to duh what yeh need teh duh. I suggest yeh take some time teh learn the language there before yeh go in head first." She pulled on the elf's skirt and guided her over to the stack of doors. "Ere, help me get this into that socket." She pointed to the brown one that looked like the bark of a tree. Together they lifted it over to a metal contraption and clicked it in.

"What now?" was all Idalin had time to say before the door slammed open and Saga pushed her into the blinding light of the portal.


	3. Chapter 3: Onward we go

**Note:** Very short chapter here because there wasn't really much more to write about in this chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 3: Onward we go**

_Awouch, fusk in hellas, my head hurts. _Those were Ingeborg's first thoughts as she woke from the weirdest and most realistic dream she had ever had. _Hold everything! Was it really just a dream? **Sure doesn't feel like it. **No, no it doesn't. **Perhaps you should open your eyes and see... **but then my head will hurt even more. No, I think I'll just stay here, **and freeze to death... again? **Err, maybe not. _

Very carefully, as to not make her headache worse, she sat up and looked around. That was a bad idea; her head felt like it was going to explode, or fall of, or do something else that defied the laws of physics. The world took a twirl around her, and she grabbed her head to steady it. That was when she noticed her beanie was not there, much like how a big patch of her hair was also not there. _What the fudge? When the hell did that happen? _There was something lumpy in the middle of that patch, which was really weird. _What is that? Is that a scar? Do I have a scar? Why do I have a scar? **Aliens? **Holy shit that would be awesome! Are wraith real? **Oh yes, they are very real, just like leprechauns and the Easter bunny. **_

Now that the world had stopped spinning, at least for the moment, she looked around and realised her glasses were also gone. _Okay, who took all my stuff?_ She looked down, and lo and behold, her glasses her beanie, and even her mop, lay very neatly beside her in the yellow grass. _This is so weird._ She put on the two aforementioned, and used the mop to steady herself as she got up. _Gods I'm stiff. **Hihi, you said you're stiff, hah! **Hehe, yeah...snagasnaga. _Looking around; she became thoroughly confused. She was no longer in a small town in the north of Norway, where the winter had outdone itself and come exceptionally early. No, she was in a field of yellowed grass, there were some trees behind her, there lay an out of place door a few feet to her left, _suppose this is a very tidy dump then,_ and if she squinted really hard she could see some really tiny mountains in the distance. _This just keeps getting weirder. You don't think... _**_No, there is no way. It's impossible. _**_Yeah, that shit only happens in crappy fanfics, or children's books._

Everything was quiet, well as quiet as nature can get. There was of course the wind, and the sound of running water not too far away, there were even a few songbirds making some noise in the late fall. But apart from all that it was quiet. There weren't any roads nearby, not even a dirt road, which meant there were no cars either. She reasoned that this could not possibly be any place in what we "civilized" people have chosen to call "civilisation", since an uncultivated field is unheard of there. _How did I even get here? **Does it really matter? You're here now, and unless you find food and water, you won't be for much longer.**_

With her improvised cane and her stiff legs she wobbled over in the direction of the river. That proved to take longer than expected, because she had thought it was a nearby stream she had heard, while it was in fact one the biggest rivers she had ever seen, and it was quite a bit away.

She knelt by the edge and drank, almost fell in twice, and then drank some more. Her headache was almost gone then, which was good; it's incredibly hard to think straight when it feels like a monkey is playing bongos in your head. It's much easier when it's only a triangle. Therefore she could sit back in the grass and consider her options. _I can't just stay here and wait for someone to find me, that could be potentially dangerous, and it would take too long. I need to find people, with cars, and a phone, because there is still no signal. Shouldn't be too hard, if I just follow the river I should find someone relatively fast. **The keyword here is "relatively", back home it there are miles between every house, and even more between the cities, it would take days before you found anybody there, who knows how long it will take here. **Guess I better get moving then. _

* * *

**Authors note:**

In answer to your question **Scylla**: the last chapter was the plot, the driving force of this story, because let's face it, a story like this just fizzles out after a while when there is no real reason for the earth-girl to be in ME. And actually I'm glad you and **Ilovelotr** were a little confused, it just means the plot wasn't completely transparent, something I was afraid of.

Concerning the next chapter; you might find that to be a bit confusing as well, or not. I'm trying to not giving too much away, so there will be mostly descriptions of what the characters do, say and think, and not so much why with a lot of reasons behind supporting their actions, at least I think so -_- You'll just have to be patient.


	4. Chapter 4: Team awesome

**Chapter 4: Team awesome**

If you ever thought it was bothersome to work in groups with a bunch of strangers on school projects, imagine what it is like when it's an epic quest, and you don't trust those strangers not to kill you in your sleep. Difficult, is it not? Well Tonia thought so as she trudged through the mud after the lumbering figure of Teheron. The rain was coming down in bucketfuls, the tree's flimsy cover did nothing to stale the rain, and Jarlan was scouting ahead; looking for some shelter, and if possible, some food.

She had been cursing the guild master and his damned assignments all day. If it hadn't been for him she would have been back home with a bottle of wine, a deck of cards, and a tavern full of gullible suckers with pockets full of gold. She would not be walking in the cold, wet rain, through unknown territory where the only familiar thing around was a grouchy, old war veteran. _See, this is what you get when you aim to high; you miss and fall flat on your face. Shouldn't be here with these, these... soldiers, isn't right, wasn't made to be this close to nature. _

As Tonia continued grumbling about her misfortune, Teheron was starting to wonder if the old witch hadn't _just_ sent them away from the mountain, but perhaps as far as the highlands. It sure reminded him an awful lot of them, granted he had only been there once, but it had been enough to become familiar with the weather. Jarlan at least seemed to be rather excited about being there, he'd run off to hunt and find shelter almost before Teheron got the chance to give the order.

"How much farther is it? My pack is heavier then when we started, I'm thinking Jarlan put rocks in it while I slept."

"Far enough, now stop your complaining." He was staring to get annoyed by the constant stream of laments coming from her; at least on the way to the witch she had been silent. Tonia just huffed in response, and went back to grumbling about stupid guild masters and stupid dwarves.

~Ψ~

A couple of miles ahead of them the young hunter was stalking his pray through the forest. It wasn't of the most imposing or impressive prays he had ever hunted, but it was meat, and a rabbit was better than nothing.

He didn't really mind being there as much as Tonia seemed to, she had grown up in the city after all, where as he was a highlander, used to rainy summers and cold winters. Had it not been for the fact that he knew the plateau like the back of his hand, and that the air here was different, he could have sworn that the witch had sent them there; this place was so much like his childhood home.

He shook of the feeling of nostalgia and strung his bow as the rabbit stopped to sniff the air. Luckily he was crouching downwind, he had noticed there wasn't much prey in this sorry excuse for a forest, and he'd be damned if he had to go to bed on an empty stomach. _Just stay right there, you're gonna love being my dinner, a very nice and... warm... job... _He let the arrow fly, but he was too late, the rabbit had smelled something on the air after all and scampered off like the hounds of hell was on its heels. The arrow thudded uselessly into the ground. He heard footsteps shortly after, probably belonging to whoever scared the rabbit off. Soon enough voices started drifting to him, but the words were nonsense, certainly nothing he had ever heard at least.

Very slowly, so as not to make too much sound, though the patter of the rain was covering that up nicely, he moved from his crouching position behind the bush, and came to _stand_ behind the nearby tree instead. The voices came closer and it didn't take long before two men carrying their prey came into the clearing where he only moments ago had fired an arrow. _Shit! Well, hopefully they're not hostile. _

When they saw the arrow and didn't recognise it as their own they drew their hunting knives. He looked down at the dagger he had in his belt, it was the one he had swiped in the dwarf's cave. He remembered how it had glistened like silver and had a small inscription at the base of the hilt that he couldn't read. He hadn't been able to help himself, it was so shiny, and really well made too. He wondered if perhaps he was going to need it now, he unsheathed it just in case. The men were looking for him, they didn't seem like merciless killers to him, just some hunters from some village. _A village... What the hell am I doing, if there's a village, then there's probably a tavern. _He sheathed the knife again and put away the bow. _What now, it's not like I can just walk up to them and start with the wild flailing... I need to get back to the others; Teheron will know what to do. _

Silent as a shadow he sidled away while the two men were still trying to figure out who the hell owned that arrow, and if they were still close by.

He ran pretty much all the way back, scaring both his companions when he sprang out on the trail before them. Tonia was about ready to throw one of her own knives at him, but luckily for him she recognised him in time, though she still didn't put it away again. Instead she just mocked him. She put on an excited face and said: "What is it boy, what did you find?" As if talking to a dog.

He ignored her and turned to Teheron instead, at least he seemed to take what news he had a bit more seriously, actually a lot more seriously, in fact if he looked any more serious now his face would fall off. _Heh, I'd like to see that. _Jarlan pointed back in the direction he had come, then held up two fingers and thumped his own chest.

Teheron heaved a sigh and rubbed his eyes; guessing games where not his strong suit. Honestly, was there anything more ridiculous then a scout that couldn't speak? Well, perhaps an old soldier running around the countryside with youngsters that had probably never even been bloodied, was. At least the boy could hear well enough.

"People?" a simple enough question, with a simple enough answer. Jarlan nodded enthusiastically and indicated for them to follow him.

By the time they found the place he had seen the two hunters, they were of course gone, and so was his arrow. He walked around the small clearing a couple of times trying to discern some footsteps, but to no avail; the rain had washed them all away. _Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why didn't I just follow them and find the village before I ran off to report, why?_

"We'll fan out, try and find the settlement on our own, can't be too far. Jarlan, did they have packs, or did it look they were just out for a walk?"

Teheron had this strange way of sounding both angry and carefree at one time which impressed Jarlan quite a bit. _If I still had my tongue I would strive to learn that. _He put two fingers in the palm of his hand and made a walking-motion with them, trying very hard not to burst out laughing whilst doing so. _This is just ridiculous, look at his face, I didn't know it was possible to frown that much. _Then he thought better of it and made to grab his bow, though he didn't, and pretended to string it with an arrow. Teheron nodded in understanding, hunters meant there weren't necessarily any permanent settlements nearby, but if there were people to ask, and perhaps a map to buy, then it was worth trying to find them.

Teheron barked an order and they each went in different directions, he went south, Jarlan north and Tonia east. They agreed to meet up again at that spot around sunset.

~Ψ~

After hours of walking and not a soul in sight, Jarlan came to the end of the forest. Further on there was a big river snaking through the landscape like, well a snake. There had been a rope bridge there once, he could see the remnants of it smacking against the rocks in the strong current. Even if he could see that the water level was far from its prime, the river was deep, and there was really no point in him trying to cross it. He decided to circle back to the meeting point when he saw something strange lying in an indentation in the grass. _Someone slept here, recently._ He picked it up; puzzled by its unfamiliar appearance. It was a small, black, rectangular thing, its surface was smoother than even polished steel, and shone brighter as well. On the bottom there was a circular track with a square on it. He pressed it and the thing lit up. He was so startled he dropped it. Soon after the light went out again and he hesitantly picked it up again. When nothing happened and he didn't turn into a toad or something like that he decided to pocket it. If he could figure out what it was for, he could probably sell it for a nice price.

~Ψ~

Tonia walked for what seemed like an eternity, even if it was only an hour. There was just no end to this forest, and the rain just kept on coming. And now they had to wander around aimlessly until they stumbled upon someone that most likely did not want to be found. After all, who lives in a forest with the intention of meeting other folk, no one she wanted to know. So when her boots were thoroughly muddy enough to fool the others into thinking she had been walking the entire day, she climbed into one of the trees to sleep. She doubted they would find anyone so why bother to try.

~Ψ~

It took Teheron only a few hours before he found the settlement, but it looked like they were packing up and leaving. The tents were being taken down, and the mules were being loaded with their burdens. He started to wonder if perhaps Tonia might have been right in her protests, maybe these people didn't want to be found. Well, if that was the case, then to bad, he needed a map. He started towards the clearing and the biggest tent that hadn't been taken down yet.

* * *

Authors note: Some feedback would be nice, read and _review _:D


	5. Chapter 5: Let's try this again

_Aww, fudge, why does this keep happening? Waking up uncomfortable and disoriented gets old very fast... At least I'm inside this time._

Yes, it would seem our _heroine _hadyet again fallen on her post, this time as she was walking around aimlessly, waiting for someone to jump out and say "Haha, got you!".

It is only to be expected when one is dragging their feet through mud in the rain for a longer period of time without an umbrella that one gets sick. It is the unfortunate reality of things, especially when there is a foreign bacterial flora just waiting to set its metaphorical teeth in you. This was the reason for Ingeborg's abrupt, cold sweating awakening in a damp and dimly lit tent, on a pile of furs that smelled like they hadn't been aired in a very long time, well, that and all the ruckus outside. If she didn't know any better she would have said it was a swordfight, but since that was not only unlikely but also stupid, she concluded that it was in fact someone falling over the pots and pans again and again. _Weird._

Even if she was curious, and even if she had wanted to take a look, she did not find it in herself to do it right then and there, since sick people have this nasty habit of not being able to do really anything. So she just laid there listening to the sounds of metal clashing, which seconds later was accompanied by angry voices and children crying. _I'm thinking this might actually be a fight after all. _She felt like crap, but she was still able to somewhat reason that if wherever she was, was under attack, she would most likely be caught in the crossfire if she did not get the hell out of there.

Since she had been sick her captors or saviours, whichever way you want to look at it, had removed her clothing, and put them a whole meter away from where she was. _Do I have it in me, or should I just stay here and die? ...I suppose I should at least try. _She crawled over to her clothes, coughing and runny nosed, with the fighting outside as a nice motivator. With her clothes she found her mop as well. _Hmm, mighty nice of them to bring it along._ Her pants were so dirty and crusted with filth and other things she did not even want to think about, that she for a moment thought they were two logs, and wondered how she was supposed to wear logs. Then her brain got to process what it saw and the problem solved itself. With arms slack with exhaustion, a mind muddled by fever and skin that felt it was going to be ripped off by the slightest touch, she somehow managed to wrestle them on, causing most of the dried mud to fall off. The rest of her clothes weren't in such bad condition thanks to her repels- everything-Bergans- jacket.

While she sat there on the ground struggling to get a sweater she could have sworn didn't use to be so hard to get on, on, the fighting outside stilled. When she started up the battle to get her shoes on, someone came into the tent, all bloody and unconscious. She looked up from her own troubles and stared dumbly at the big man covered in his own blood, and the four other men carrying him. They ignored her and very carefully dumped him on the furs she had just left, spilling his blood all over the place.

This image of the wounded man and the other four, was so surreal to her, she didn't realise at first that they were all covered in furs and worn leather, not to mention their own share of cuts and blood. It didn't really look, or smell, like they had washed recently either, but then again, neither did she.

One of them threw her a sour look before they left the tent and a middle-aged woman entered. She too was wearing furs, and her hair looked like it was taken from the same bear as her wardrobe. _Oh God, what is this, the Stone Age?_

The woman gave her a onceover before she moved over to her new patient. _She looks like that wildling woman in Game of Thrones... Oh my God... maybe I'm in Game of Thrones... well then, I need to get to Kings landing before they cut of Ned's head, and do something about that... Yes, I must defiantly do something... Oh who am I kidding, that idiot is going to die either way, especially if he keeps on telling his enemies his every move; I bet he sucks at chess._

Ingeborg was pulled out of her train of thought when the woman pulled out a knife from the man's chest. _How can anyone survive that? _He only groaned in response, and she was filled with both revulsion and curiosity. At the same time as it was disgusting to say the least, she had seriously considered becoming a surgeon at one point, and she wasn't a complete wuss, and as a almost woman, she was familiar with the concept of blood coming out of places it wasn't supposed to. Still, the strain of sitting upright was eating away at her nonexistent energy reserves, and she went down like a spruce in December.

~Ψ~

The next time she woke up, she couldn't move. Or, she could _move_, in the sense that she wasn't incapable of wriggling around a little, but her hands and feet were bound, and she was tied to a tree, a very thick tree. So thick in fact that when she looked around she could see that there were two other people next to her as well, a dark-skinned woman, and a really big, burly, blond man. _Hehe, he looks like the American Thor...hihi._ Now, besides the fact that they were all tied to a tree together, this whole thing was very strange because they were both wearing... _Is that armour? My God, I think it is_. _This is one of the weirdest weeks of my life. First I wake up in the middle of some field. Then I walk around in that field until it starts raining and I drop like a sack of potatoes. Then some wild folk find me, take me in, and apparently nurture me back to health... Hey, I'm not sick anymore... Good God, how long was I out? Doesn't really matter now, they've tied me to a tree and left me to starve. Speaking of which; I'm hungry. _

She strained against the ropes, trying to see if perhaps she could wriggle free, but it was hopeless. Whoever these people were, they sure knew how to tie a knot properly. And as the silly, law-abiding citizen she was, she didn't carry around a knife at all times. _Well, there you go. From now on, I'm not going anywhere without one. _At least they had left all her stuff alone, even her trusty mop laid like a loyal puppy by her feet. _Not that I have ever known a loyal puppy, my dog won't even come when I call for him... _

The woman next to her moved. She seemed disoriented and looked about her with glazed eyes, and an expression that clearly stated "what the fuck?". When she discovered Ingeborg, she managed to put on an even more shocked look, if that was possible. _Is this some kind of role playing game, or have I somehow managed to end up in... I don't know, WoW? LotR? GoT? A place that actually exists? Or am I just bonkers, sitting in an isolated cell in Gaustad and imagining all of this? All very likely possibilities, I think... I wonder if she has a knife. _Before she could ask about this however, the woman was already squirming around, and triumphantly came up with a really small, but sharp, folding knife. Ingeborg looked on with fascination as this woman used this little knife to saw through a rope she was sure could be used to moor a really big boat, and actually succeeding. When the ropes went slack they both stood while the man fell over, still unconscious, his big armour clattered when he did. But she didn't really have much time to contemplate this or really anything else before the woman was in her face, holding the knife to her throat.

"_Who sent you? How did you know where to find me?_"

_Wait, what? That doesn't sound like Norwegian, or English, does it?_

"_Ehm... I didn't? I don't know..._ "

For a moment they just stood there staring at each other, sizing the other one up. For Ingeborg this could easily have come on the list of "weirdest shit that ever happened to me", if it hadn't been for the foregoing week.

The woman looked African; extremely dark skin, black eyes, an afro, though it was short, and would you believe it, black dyed leather armour and a cape, like some parody of Batman. Even the knife poised at her throat was black... well; the handle was in any case, they probably hadn't heard of carbon based blades where she was from. _Jeeze, ever heard of overkill... suppose I shouldn't talk, black pants, black jacket, black beanie... at least _my_ shoes are _brown_._ She _looks like one of the Forty Thieves from that story... wonder what she'll do if I say 'open sesame'..._

The _Thief, _slowly and begrudgingly realised that Ingeborg was actually not a threat, something that should have been obvious by her lack of weapons. Equally slowly she lowered the knife, but didn't put it away. _She must be really paranoid, even more than me, and that's saying something. Speaking of which, I should probably bugger off right about now._

She didn't get the chance though, as the armoured man moved and drew everybody's attention with his noisy apparel, effectively distracting her as well. That was when she discovered the third member of this strange group crouching next to him with a now empty water skin. He was tall and gangly, with a mop of curly, red hair on his head, and if she hadn't been wearing her glasses she might have guessed he was sporting a red fox cub on his face, but she was, and he wasn't. He reminded her of her cousin Simon, one of the few guys in her family, the one who laughed during Saw III and thought zombies were the coolest things ever. _That beard is ridiculous; redheads shouldn't have beards, unless they're my brother, in which case it works, but only because it grows in a cool pattern all by itself... and I'm getting off topic._

_"What exactly happened back there? And why aren't we dead? And who is she?" _How anybody could convey such disgruntlement and angriness in so _innocent_ questions, was beyond Ingeborg. _Well, somebody's PMSing. Thief_ pointed an accusatory finger at Ingeborg and an accusatory look at _Thor_ as he got off the ground, wiping the water off his face and beard. He didn't really look all that happy himself, but that could have been from the rude awakening. In any case he just shrugged, took a yellowed piece of paper out off his pack and shouldered it before he moved away from them. _Engage ignore... Oh God I hate it when people do that..._

It didn't seem to bother _Thief_ all that much though; she just gave a huff in response and went to get her own stuff. _Okay, this is it. If I just get my mop and slowly back away... __**and then what? You'll wander aimlessly around in the forest until you get sick again? Oh yes, that is an excellent plan, just one hitch, you'll die! **__My best chance is with these people... I'm so screwed._

~Ψ~

Jarlan wasn't sure what to do now. Teheron had wandered off to examine the old map Tonia had managed to snatch up, and she was off doing gods know what. That only left the strange woman and she didn't look all that friendly.

She was dressed all in black, like Tonia was, so there was a good chance she also had something to do with the Sisters. This theory of his though didn't quite match up with the fact the she didn't seem to have any weapons on her, so maybe she just liked black? And there was of course the strange nature of her clothes, quite uncommon to say the least. She wore a very big jacket, and it wasn't leather, or wool, or anything he knew of. It didn't look like it would protect from anything either, be it weapons or weather. And she had breaches, but they too looked inadequate. The shoes she wore were also weird. They at least were leather, and something else, but the shape... He decided she must be very rich, for shoes like that must surely have cost a fortune. To further affirm him of her wealth, she had spectacles, like those old scholars might wear. All in all it seemed she had maybe been out for a stroll in the city, but that didn't make any sense. He didn't want to think about all the possible explanation of her presence and decided to ignore her instead. _At least it stopped raining_

He started looking over his own things to see if the savages had stolen anything, he was relieved to find they hadn't. From the corner of his eye he saw the woman walk sideways, while keeping him in her sight, over to the strange broom lying by the foot of the tree. She looked quite ridiculous, like the crabs his cousin fished on the coast.

With her red stick in front of her like a shield, she approached Jarlan with wary steps.

"Du kunne vel ikkje førtælle mæ ka dettan steé heite, eller?"

He was pulled out of his reverie by the sound of her voice, it was so... it was so unladylike, but at the same time she sounded as if she was about to break into song. It didn't help of course that what she was saying didn't make any sense at all. It sounded like nothing he had ever heard, and he had been to Sidon where you could hear pretty much every tongue in the known realm, pun not intended. _I thought I heard her exchange words with Tonia. Strange..._

When she waved her hand in front of his eyes he realised he had been staring at her for some time, no doubt making the young lady uncomfortable. He smiled ruefully; the wildlings must have struck him harder than he thought.

~Ψ~

_Wow. Is he spaced out or what. Heh, poor dude... s'got freckles..._

_Fox-guy_ seemed like he had a complete shutdown, the drapes were pulled close, his brain was on vacation, the lights were out, you get the point. He just stared straight ahead, a phenomenon Ingeborg wasn't completely unfamiliar with, except of course that it would normally just take wave or two to snap out of it.

When he finally did 'wake up', he seemed somewhat annoyed, _not with me I hope. _He touched the back of his head and came back with blood. _Really? You didn't notice that until now?... maybe I should be more concerned, of the three of them he seems the nicest, maybe because he hasn't said anything yet. Speaking of which, he didn't seem to understand what I said... So it was definitely not Norwegian she was speaking earlier... or maybe it was the dialect that confused him... no, I doubt it. What if it wasn't a language I know at all, maybe the aliens implanted a translator in my head! That would explain the scar... but it doesn't seem like it translates everything as I go or he would have understood me... I know, I'll do what Jimmy Carr does, pick a few words I'm certain of and just continue from there. What did I say again?... Oh yes, '__**I don't know**__'. That should suffice. _

While Ingeborg had been analyzing the situation and come up with what she hoped would be a solution, _Fox-guy _had found some bandages and ointment in his pack and set about binding his head-injury. It looked clumsy and painful, and if it hadn't been for the fact that she had more important things to do, in addition to the fact that she didn't really know him that well, she would have offered to help, but... In any case she decided to just ask, see if it worked, and if not, move on.

_"I don't know". _She said it in a low voice, repeating the three words a couple of times until it didn't feel like she was trying to swallow her own tongue. _Fox-guy _heard her and looked up briefly before going back to his makeshift bandaging. _Here goes nothing._

_"What is this place?"_

_Hehey, it worked... well that's five years of Spanish lessons I'll never get back..._

_Fox-guy_ just looked at her with a mildly confused expression on his face. Probably wondering why she hadn't pulled out her awesome language skills earlier. That, or he still didn't understand what she was saying.

_"Well? Do you?"_

He shook his head and pointed in the direction the big, imposing _tank_ had gone. _Well that's odd... _she thought, but decided against reading too much into it and just followed in the big man's wake.

She found him leaning up against a tree, completely absorbed in the sheet of paper he was holding in his ironclad hands. _Man that must be uncomfortable. _He kept looking up to his right and then down again as if to verify that "yes, this is indeed where we are". Ingeborg made a point of clearing her throat very loudly, and _Thor _snapped his head up to look at her. And what a look it was. It was like she had just walked in on him sitting down for a piss. She actually almost felt compelled to back away slowly, but reminded herself that it was most likely a map and not porn he was holding in his hands.

_"I was just wondering; do you know where we are?"_

He narrowed his eyes, probably wondering if she did not see the map, or if she was intentionally ignoring it.

_"That is what I am trying to figure out now."_

_"Oh... well, I was thinking in a bigger scale than our exact position, you know like continent or country, something like that..." _

_"Like I said; that is what I am trying to figure out."_ He didn't really seem like the friendly sort, or maybe he was just having a bad day, like she was.

_"You don't know?"_

_"No."_

_Well, that's helpful. What do I do now? Should I ask if I can join their merry band, or should I just leave? I should probably ask..._

_"Was there something else you wanted?" _He sounded very bored and didn't even look up at her when he spoke. _Wouldn't kill you to be polite, I think..._

_"Yes actually... I was thinking that perhaps, if you don't mind that is, I could join you? I'll be frank with you; I don't know what's going on, but whatever it is, I most likely have nothing to bring to the table, but I don't want to die, so can I please come with you till I at least can get to a phone or an ATM, you see I lost my phone a while back..."_

He still did not look up from the map. She was almost certain he hadn't even heard her longwinded plea and was about to turn to leave when he actually responded.

_"If you don't get in the way and you do exactly as I say, then you can come along. But I don't want to hear any complaints, and if you can't keep up we leave you behind, is that clear?"_

_Dude, which dictator died and made you boss?_

_"Chrystal." _She was starting to think this might not have been a good idea after all. She was notoriously slow when it came to long distance-... anything, really. She would try of course, but she had a feeling she would be on her own again soon.

_"So... what kind of map is that?" _

She didn't really think she would recognize it, but she was curious. If she accepted that this whole ordeal was real and not a joke, then these people were not role-playing, and this world was definitely not earth. That raised the question of what world it really was. Was it like in all those fanfics she had read, where the girl falls into an already existing world? Or was it an unknown, unexplored world where if she were the "main character" it wouldn't be completely Mary Sue? _Ugh, I don't want to be a main character, they get shot at, stabbed, punched and... tied up a lot... Fuck, I'm already on my way there. _In any case, whether it was one or the other, it couldn't hurt to get clarity in the matter.

_Thor_ looked at the map and then her, probably evaluating if she could be trusted with such an important item. He looked about ready to trust her and hand it over when he remembered something; they hadn't properly introduced yet.

_"First; your name."_ It wasn't a question or request, it was an order, and he was deadly serious. _Those laugh lines in his face are a lie. _

_"Okay, my name is Ingeborg, but I would prefer it if you could call me Ellie instead, foreigners have such trouble pronouncing my name."_

_"Very well, I am Teheron."_ And with that he gave her the map.

_So much fuzz over a map. Dude's got issues._

She looked at it and frowned, turned it a couple of times, flipped it and then flipped it back. Then she looked up at him and down again and then back at him, still frowning. The map looked an awful lot like the western region of Middle-Earth, and she knew this because when she had gotten the book, the first thing she had done was to study the map carefully. So even if she hadn't managed to read past the scene about the birthday party, she knew the geography very well.

_"Is this a joke?"_

_"No."_

_"It says here that this map belongs to J.R.R. Tolkien." _She pointed to a small scribble in a corner of the map. _"And it looks like Middle-Earth. And it's written on paper, really old paper, but paper none the less. If this was real, shouldn't it be on, oh I don't know, baby-cow-hide? And furthermore, not only is it ridiculous that... he's supposed to have been... here... ahm, anyways, the map is outdated, there isn't suppose to be forest all over this place." _She waved her hand over most of the forested area on the map and then pointed to the outmost region to the west. _"This is the only place there should be a forest, at least if this actually is Middle Earth... and if we are when I think we are." _

For a moment her heart decided that overdrive was the proper speed for this situation, and Ellie felt like the whole world had just come crashing down around her. Things were not looking to good for her, especially with her lack of skills in anything remotely athletic, and the possibility of a crazy, blazing eye in the sky looking for a certain ring, on a certain chain, around a certain neck of a certain hobbit. But the odds of that happening were... astronomical in any other situation, but Middle Earth being Middle Earth, the astronomical was more times than not also what did come to pass. This was of course all just speculation, and the existence of this map at this time and place didn't prove anything, though it was looking more and more likely by the minute. _Wow, I can't believe I'm actually about ready to believe this shit. I have definitely gone bonkers... Oh well, at this point I guess I should just roll with it. _

Teheron was looking at her with a suspicious stare that seemed to bore holes in her head. She tried to ignore it, pretending that she was still inspecting the map, and felt tempted to leave him standing there and just go back to the redhead who still hadn't said a word to her. At least he could smile.

_ "...I... mean... I might... have a clue... but...I might be wrong. If, against all odds, I'm right... then...yes."_ That was all she could manage to wring out of her brain at the moment. The realisation of where she might actually be spawned a multitude of thoughts; slowing all of her other functions down to the bare minimum.

Teheron took the map from her before she started drooling on it in her comatose-like state. He looked at it again, then up at the sky, and then at her. He folded the map and put it in his pack, then gave _Ellie_ a slight nudge and they walked back to the clearing where they found _Thief _helping _Fox-guy _with his head-injury.

_"We go north till we find the river, then we follow that till we find people, and a better map."_ Teheron informed them all with the practiced ease of someone used to ordering people around.

_"And her?" _Apparently _Thief_ still wanted to know about Ellie, and this time Teheron could actually give her an answer.

_"She comes with us, she knows this place, might be useful." _For some reason, the casual way he said it made Ellie think that not even he really believed what he was saying. _Thief's _sceptical expression was certainly a good indicator of that.

They started walking in silence, the only thing being heard were Teheron's heavy footfalls. Ellie wondered at that, if perhaps he really was a nord, and that this was what someone completely enraptured and obsessed with fanfiction would call a crossover. _Maybe I have read a bit too much of it._ Well if that was the case then he was either not from Skyrim, or he hadn't heard about the latest fashions, because she did not recognize his armour, and she had seen every type of armour there was in that game. His gear reminded her more of what the guards of Stormwind wore, perhaps a little less shiny, and without the tabard, and he didn't wear his helmet, but other than that it was a full steel plate armour that looked very uncomfortable and made lots of noise.

If he was a nord, then what about...? She still hadn't asked the other two for their names. _Awkward. Well, I could ask them now, but that would be so embarrassing. How rude am I not to ask their names in the first place? Well, in all fairness they didn't ask about my name either, so they're rude as well. I should just ask and be done with it; I can brood over it later._

Before she could do this however _Thief_ got her act together before she had the chance to.

_"Who are you?" _It didn't much sound like a friendly prompt, nor a request. If anything it was an accusation phrased as a question, as if she already knew the answer and wanted to catch her in a lie.

_"Ehm... I'm Ing... Ellie. And you?"_

_"I'm Tonia, and I don't trust you." _She said and walked; nay marched on ahead to join Teheron in what seemed like a very boring discussion about maps and where exactly they were going. Ellie eavesdropped half-heartedly to the conversation but soon gave up because Tonia kept sending her some rather nasty looks.

She didn't really feel like talking to anybody, especially not a group of mercenaries, because that was what she reasoned they had to be. She didn't trust them, why would she, they had probably killed people with those weapons of theirs, and though that was cool and all, it was not a very comforting thought. She liked weapons, knives and swords in particular, but only when they were in her untrained hand, or hanging on the wall for decoration. In the hands of these people they were a potential threat to her, and that was a thought that did not sit well with her. Besides, they weren't very friendly.

_Fox-guy_ didn't know she felt this way and therefore promptly ignored it in favour of introducing himself, in a way. He had been forming the rearguard up until now, and jogged to catch up with her. He then proceeded to pulling out a small piece of metal with an engraving that kind of looked like a homemade dogtag, which it probably was. The problem here was of course that when he showed it to her expecting her to read it and go "Oh, so that's your name, I see", she went _"huh, I can't read that, I don't think the implant covers writing." _And thus he was confused. He tucked it back under his shirt and fell behind again with a pondering look on his face. _He must be mute._

Teheron called back over his shoulder: _"His name is Jarlan." Apparently I'm not the only one eavesdropping. _

She looked back at _Jarlan_ and saw a small smile on his face, it looked so sad, like a kicked puppy. _Can't say I blame him, how would I feel if I had to rely on others to introduce me? I'd probably never get introduced to anyone then. _She tried to give him a sympathetic smile in return, but wasn't sure if it hadn't looked more like a smug grin instead.

They walked for most of the day, only stopping a few times to eat, and drink, and for Ellie to take a rest. She blamed it on her being sick, but really she was just horribly out of shape. She didn't lag very much behind though, but that was probably because she didn't have to lug around a big backpack, a sword and armour, like the others. _At this rate I'm gonna have to eat twice as much to keep up my reserves. By the time we reach Bree I might have become... le gasp... fit. Oh the horror. Hehe. Wait... why do I think we're going to Bree? Maybe the implant is turning me into a Sue, and is forcing me to think that we have to be part of the war... or maybe it's just me not knowing the name or location of any other villages on this side of the Misty Mountains... probably more likely. _Tonia kept giving everyone suspicious looks, making Ellie think she should check her food and water for poison or the likes. Jarlan didn't seem to notice, or had learned to ignore it. Teheron gave her some looks in return, none of them kind or caring.

Ellie wanted to ask them what exactly happened in the village or camp or whatever place she had been before she woke up next to them, but she didn't know how, or if it was such a good idea. These people had some major trust-issues, not that she was one to talk, but she was certain that they wouldn't appreciate her snooping. _I swear, if those aliens don't beam me home soon they'll get an earful, or something like that. __**Oh man up will you. Tomorrow you're going to ask a simple question, and if they don't want to answer then you've done your part and nobody gets hurt.**__ Yeah... you just keep telling yourself that. _

* * *

A/N:

For anyone that cares, the whole "breaking out into song"-thing? it's not a good attempt at being a Mary Sue-writer, it's a norwegian thing. According to swedes and danes, we norwegians sound like we're singing when we talk, like how the danes sound like they are choking on a potato. I can understand that the trønderne do, but being from where I am, I don't hear it in my own tone of voice, though it's probably there. So yeah, Jarlan is the type to pick up on something like that.

As for the sentence written in "norwegian", it's dialect and means "You can't tell me what this place is, or?" grammatically it makes more sense in norwegian.

Btw, I make a lot of refrences to other things that have absolutely nothing to do with lotr, I just think it makes more sense, at least for me, because I'm into a lot of different things, not just lotr. That is always a thing that annoys me when I read other stories like my own. These girls seem so obsessed, bordering on insane when it comes to lotr, that they never seem to have a life outside of it, which makes the story and character less interesting, in my opinion.

If anyone sees anything that annoys them, confuses them(though some things will be explained later), or is just plain inconsisten, tell me. I can't make the story better if I don't know what's wrong with it.


	6. Chapter 6: Adventure time

**Chapter 6: Adventure time **

They had been walking for three days; her blisters had blisters, and her muscles felt like they were on fire. It was dark before the super soldiers decided that they could make camp, and she collapsed on the yellow, grassy ground. The stars were not out, but had decided to wait of that night's performance behind the black curtain of the rainclouds that grew closer every passing moment.

_"Looks like rain... We'll have to use the tent again."_ Ellie groaned as Tonia said this with as much enthusiasm as someone who is about to get a lobotomy. This wasn't a big deal because she didn't want to sleep under cover when it rained, or because it was such a bother to put it up, she was actually quite used to camping. No, she had a problem with the small space it afforded, and her smelly travelling-companions. You see, Tonia and Jarlan had apparently at some point, before she had met them, left their tents somewhere "safe" as they said. That meant they only had Teheron's tent to contend with, and it was a small thing. It was meant for two normal-sized people to sleep comfortable in. Considering that Teheron was big, and normally took up all the space by himself, four people shouldn't be able to fit. Somehow they managed though, by stretching it out so much that they only had a low-ceilinged, two-walled, cramped shelter. At least it was warm...

Jarlan made a fire while Ellie helped Teheron put up the "tent", and Tonia took out the weird, dry _sawdust_ they used to make something Teheron insisted was oatmeal. When it was finished it looked like someone had taken a brain and made mash of it; a grey and slimy gruel. Luckily Jarlan had managed to shoot some grouses, and while they had been walking he had plucked them. It made for slow going, but she figured; better that he was slowing them down than her.

They sat down around the fire, and she tore into one of the birds with a passion not even the most nauseatingly sweet couple could have mustered. Some spice wouldn't have hurt, but it was still meat, and in that situation it was the best bird she had ever had. They sat in silence for some time before Ellie remembered what she had meant to ask them earlier.

_"What exactly happened to you guys? I mean, you know, before we 'met' in the woods."_

Jarlan looked up from his meal and eyed the chance to regale her with the tale, only, he could do nothing but gesticulate and show, and she was uncomprehending. He gave up somewhere in the middle of the story and went back to his bird and gruel.

Tonia watched him with disinterest and snorted. Ellie had noticed she did that a lot; apparently there were a lot of snort-worthy thing that happened in their company. In any case it didn't matter if they told her or not, she wasn't planning on sticking around for longer than absolutely necessary. She just couldn't stand the awkward silence anymore; it was like three elephants were sitting on her, and she didn't have any mice at her disposal. Luckily Teheron came to her rescue, sort of.

_ "We were attacked by a dwarf witch and she sent us here in an attempt to get rid of us, most like."_

Ellie could swear she heard a cricket somewhere nearby. That was the most ridiculous, and short, story she had ever heard. Who had ever heard of a dwarf witch? And besides, she had kind of already guessed as much. Tonia was not one to keep her complaints to herself, and she often lamented over the issue of _the witch who sent them there_. It was the details she wanted them to tell her, not the summery. But this was Teheron, and if there was one thing she had learned over these past few days, it was that Teheron said as much possible, with as few words possible.

Again Tonia snorted, this time at his poor attempt of storytelling.

_"You make it sound so boring old man. There was a lot more to it. First of all there was the bounty on the witch's head. 50 000 gold coins straight out of the queens personal vault." _She looked dreamily into the flames of the crackling fire. _"You can't even imagine the things I could've done with that kind of money."_

_Challenge accepted._

_"I'm guessing you could build a pretty big house, or raised an army and taken over the capitol, or bribed your way up in society. Or better yet, paid a wizard to make you immortal"_

There was that cricket again.

_"Like I said, you can't imagine it. But that doesn't matter now anyways, that midget was too much for us to handle apparently, and now we are never going to see as much as one lousy copper of that money, stranded in this place as we are."_

She seemed ready to leave it at that, but Ellie had just gotten the ball rolling, and the elephants to pack up and leave, this was not the end of it.

_"But then what happened? Did she just wave a wand and that was it, or was there an epic battle that left you all mortally wounded? You can't say _A_ and not say _B._"_

Tonia seemed to sour at the mere thought of divulging anything more than what she herself deemed necessary. She looked to Teheron who just shrugged and continued eating his gruel. She didn't even bother to look at Jarlan, knowing he was just pretending not to listen to the conversation with rapt interest.

_"I suppose it couldn't hurt to tell you, but know this, we are not friends, hardly companions, maybe acquaintances, and storytelling around the campfire is not going to change that."_

_I feel so loved._

_"Yeah, okay."_

_"So as I was saying, there was a huge bounty on her head, and of course I signed up for it, in Sidon you don't pass up an opportunity like that..."_

_"What's Sidon?"_

_"A city, but don't interrupt me again. So, I signed up, and apparently so did these two as well..."_

_"So you guys didn't know each other before. Huh, that's kind of like the dungeon system in WoW."_

_"Stop interrupting me!" _She looked properly angry by this point and Ellie, wisely enough, decided to wait with the questions for after.

_"... We travelled for weeks to find the entrance to her lair; there are too many mountains in the north. When we finally found it, a dragon was waiting there for us; we very nearly perished before we even met the witch. It was huge and green with fiery red eyes. It's maw had rows upon rows with teeth," Like a shark, _she mused._ "and it's claws were sharp as the Sister daggers. I don't know how long we fought the monster, or who delivered the killing blow, but when it was over, the dragon simply vanished and left a white powder before the entrance. It was most likely not a real dragon, but some kind of magic trick, though the burns we received felt real enough. We should have realised at that point that if the witch could cast such powerful protective spells that held for so long, we would have no chance against her. Against our better judgement we continued into the mountain."_

Ellie was sitting at the edge of her seat... or she would have, if she had a chair, but still, she was very excited to find out what happened next. Tonia only smirked at her childish enthusiasm and continued the story.

_"We walked for ages, and many times the floor rose to greet us with cold steel and magic. Of course after battling a dragon, fighting these Others was like batting away flies. We reached the witch's front door some hours later, and it was open. We realised it was a trap, but we couldn't turn back when we were so close, so we entered. The place was devoid of anything living, but it was obvious that there were several people well versed in magic that lived there. I don't think I have ever seen so many magical artefact in one place before, the air was practically humming with energy. These two were ignorant of it of course, but I felt it, and had Teheron not been so adamant that we find the witch, we could have just taken as much as we could carry..." _Teheron gave her another one of his now oh so familiar looks, this one conveying "STFU". Apparently he didn't like being blamed for what happened, strange right. Tonia did her best to ignore him, and went ahead with the tale.

_"...and had we been lucky we could have fetched a price for the artefacts equal to the bounty. But that was not to be. Instead we continued deeper into the lair in search of the sorceress. Eventually we found her rummaging through a chest filled with something that glistened. I think it was gemstones, enough to buy the Royal Palace... No, not where the queen lives, it is a tavern on the docks, the best one there is, might I add. _

_At first we thought we had been fooled; that this old decrepit lady could be the dangerous witch we had been sent to kill was nothing short of ridiculous. But when she became aware of us, it was suddenly clear why the council wanted her head adorning the city walls. There was no doubt or hesitation in her moves. She took us all down in one fell swoop..." Swooping is bad, Trololo, hihihi. "...and I can only remember waking up just as she forced us through that portal..." _She sighed heavily, or maybe she hissed, either way, it was a tired and angry sound.

_"But... is that it? You travel all that way and... get defeated just like that. And why would she send you here? Why not just kill you, or do experiments on you? I don't get it, what is her motivation?"_

Ellie sighed too, more in exasperation than anger, and looked to Tonia for answers to her questions. She only shook her head and picked up her bowl of now-cold oatmeal and made a grimace at it.

Nobody seemed to want to take a stab at answering the questions, and the elephants were threatening to return.

_"But why was there a bounty on her head? What did she do to warrant that?"_

This was apparently another question they couldn't, or wouldn't, answer, and Ellie fell back on self-deprecation to continue the conversation.

_"Well, your story beats mine at least. I was lured out into the open by some demon or other and froze to death, or something, I'm not sure. Talk about stupid way to die, right? I suppose I can't really have died since I'm here now, unless of course the afterlife is supposed to be this miserable... It's not just the cake that's a lie, apparently. And then I wake up with a scar, can you believe it?!" _The others weren't even listening to her rambling and had found that awkward silence was their preferred silence. _Apparently you can..._ _Y u ignore me?! Asstards!_

_"What about the wildlings?" _She asked very loudly. _"What kind of epic quest was that, and why did you fail so miserably?"_

_"The way I remember it, you were also tied to that tree."_ Tonia sneered at her.

_"Yeah, but I suck at sports and I'm the worst in my gym class; I can't even outrun the asthmatic kid. What's your excuse?"_

_"We were vastly outnumbered..."_

_"Well then, why were you there in the first place?"_

Tonia didn't answer for a long time and Ellie was about to think some very nasty things about her when she smirked again.

_"One last bedtime story then; before you go to sleep._

_We, or actually Teheron, needed a map. When Jarlan managed to sniff out some people, the hunt started and we split up. Teheron found them first, only a mile or so away though they were well hidden, and apparently decided that going into their camp without us was a good idea. But for some reason, that I cannot even begin to fathom..." _The sarcasm was so thick in her voice, Ellie briefly wondered if perhaps Tonia was a fourteen year old in disguise. _"...they thought a big, imposing warrior in a big, imposing armour was a threat, and attacked him."_

She took a break to roll her eyes and drink some water.

_"When sundown came and I returned to the meeting place, only Jarlan was there. If it had been anyone other than Teheron I would have thought that they were maybe just late, but he's an old army dog, they're never late. So I used one dog to find the other, and we came upon the camp long after the fighting had died down. We tried to be smart about it, but for a hunter Jarlan is not really good at sneaking." _

Up until this point Jarlan had contained his anger at the obviously flawed tale, which made everyone but Tonia look like idiots, but at that he threw his empty bowl at her in protest. She dodged it and it landed somewhere in the dark. She smirked at him as he was sent off to retrieve it.

_"As I was saying, not the quiet sort, even if he cannot speak. So while I managed to sneak into the largest tent in search of Teheron, Jarlan managed to wake up the entire camp, when all he was meant to do was keep watch. At least I got that blasted map he was after before they found us and knocked us out. This really big, fat fellow with a club got Jarlan upside the head. I was too fast for him and they got me with these darts, probably coated in some poison or other. _

_The next thing I know we're tied to a tree, and now we have to drag you along with us, as if Jarlan wasn't bad enough."_

Ellie was about to say some choice words to her, but was beaten to the punch line by Jarlan who took another go at playing "toss a bowl at Tonia" and actually hit her this time. And it was a good thing too, because the death threat that came from Tonia afterwards didn't really sound like the insincere type, meaning Jarlan would have to sleep with one eye open that night, an ancient art Ellie was not versed in.

_"I've entertained you long enough, go to sleep now." _

Ellie was almost tempted to not go to sleep just to prove that Tonia couldn't tell her what to do, but she was really tired. She forced down the rest of the grey mass they called food, and turned in for the night just as she felt the first few drops of rain on her hands.

* * *

**A/N:** Nobody has probably seen it, but there has been done some editing to the previous chapters. I don't think it has had any major effect on the story except making it a bit smoother, but if there is something that doesn't make sense in accordance with what you've read earlier, that might be the reason. That or I've just screwed up, in which case I would like to be told so. *hint, hint* Reviews are always appreciated. Here be a haven for grammar nazis ;P


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